A few bad bricks

Mistakes happen. To everyone. Sooner or later something will go not so great or not as intended and it’s a part of life. These moments are often moments when we can learn, reflect and/or starting again. However, it seems that not everyone deals with mistakes in the same way- some people are more able than others to learn, let go and move on from their mistakes.  Me? Hahaha,  did I say ‘let go’ ? I wish…

For a long time in my life holding onto my ‘wrongdoings’ seemed to be the ‘right thing to do’, often actively encouraged -mostly by a religious organisation- so there was no way I could just let go of them. But that was a long time ago and since then I’ve started learning that it wasn’t a healthy way of dealing with mistakes.

I made a mistake today at work. First I was gobsmacked and then I started physically trembling. I was staring at the screen of my laptop and couldn’t take it all in. I’m very good at what I’m doing (yes, I finally started to believe it!)  and I like my job, so how come could  I make a mistake? This incident  automatically brought back a story about Two Bad Bricks. What bugs me sometimes is the view that  in today’s world some people choose not to see those 198 good bricks also in others , but only focus on those 2 bad ones.  And sometimes they actively look for them and then hold them against you- this can happen in personal life or professional one.  And this can bring about fear, lack of trust and feelings of insecurity.  I realise though that recently my level of anxiety has gone up, hence my view could have also been a bit distorted and things may look bleaker than they really are. It’s good that it’s just a point of view- this can be changed after all.

Soon after my mind started offering me reassurance: ‘it’s ok’, ‘it happens’, ‘it doesn’t matter’ etc. Ok, but I was still trembling… What is it that makes me, and I bet some other people, want to focus on bad rather than good? I felt like my mind wanted me to run away from what my body was feeling, but I decided not to. It wasn’t pleasant, but I chose to stay with it and just accept it. I didn’t want to listen to my mind’s excuses or words of comfort- as much as I’m grateful for those, I needed to face what was happening at that moment. And I did.  Although I’ve already done my  morning pages for the day,  I decided to sit down and write about what I was experiencing.

I’ll, no doubt, lay some ‘bad bricks’  again during the process of building my life, but what if I choose to focus on  those 198  ‘good bricks’ instead? What if I choose to call my ‘two bad bricks’ a feature  and value them more than I do now?

I felt that there was a lesson for me to learn from today’s experience : to stop, to be more present, slow down and…to take a break from work too! And then I felt at peace…

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Links to some talks on letting go:

Four Ways of letting go:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USC5MJVZLy8

When to attach and when to let go?   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_3coMDunIM

Letting go of letting go- Abandoning Attachment:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuuryU-qnSI

Letting go of fearhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8