This morning I felt joy of life. And all I was doing was making coffee- nothing special, just my normal, daily little ritual – yet this big, natural and effortless smile appeared on my face, I felt lighter and much calmer for the first time I’ve felt for a while. I felt that I was here. And it felt good. Breakfast and coffee in bed for me today. No rush. Then a long and relaxing walk in the winter sun: nature, hot tea, a border collie and a great conversation with a close friend. Pizza for supper. Tiny little joys of life 
Another 365-day journey around the sun
So here I am again… Another journey around the sun completed. It’s been a weird one, but then it seems that nothing can surprise anyone anymore in 2020!
I’ve been enjoying summarising my years since 2017. Then another post followed a year later,with the latest one from China.
So what’s happened since?
- I enjoyed most of my post birthday summer last year in Shanghai – having friends there too made the whole experience beyond exceptional!
- I started having some work done on the house – actually more than had planned for and, my oh my, it’s still on hold and it’s still driving me bonkers :-/
- I really got back into climbing and have been making progress, especially with my leading skills
- I completed Climbing Wall Instructor (CWI) course
- I’ve meditated (almost) on daily basis- if not, I substituted it with some positive affirmations. Perhaps one or two might have slipped through the net? But I guess that’s my opportunity to being nice to myself and truly understand that it’s ok to have a slip up and/or to make an occasional mistake.
- I attended Wisdom Born of Stillness weekend retreat with Ajahn Brahm at Gaia House – and Ajahn Bear was there with me, of course
- I attended Love To Break All Boundaries: Metta Retreat with the Venerable Canda at The Barn: things aren’t always so fluffy and easy as they sound, but they’re definitely worth it!
- I’ve started yet another Masters degree! Yeah, I know But I’m loving it, despite an occasional tantrum
- Despite some rather rubbish past experiences, I’ve braved the weird world of online dating again… This though requires a whole new and separate post, if not a book Maybe some time soon. I have a plan. You may hear it about in not so distant future
- …and since you’re asking, yeah, I’m enjoying it this time
- I’ve met amazing, supportive, kind and lovely people – I just can’t imagine not feeling grateful for who (and what) I have in my life
- I experienced being furloughed
- I’ve been asked to be my good friend’s bridesmaid We even managed to go on a great hen do in Spain and be back just in time for lockdown…
- I might be getting more ideas about what I want to do when I grow up…
- I’ve learnt some online teaching skills!
- Life goes on…
Ok, the thing is that not everything in the last year was all hunky-dory…And of course I experienced a lot of emotional ups and downs. But as 2020 seems to generate lots of (so called ) negative feelings and emotions, I just wanted to focus on good and meaningful events in my life. What have I learnt? Hmmm….The biggest takeway for me was to learn to set up and/or assert my boundaries much better and develop abilities not to get sucked in into somebody else’s’ dramas (especially happy with this one!). The old Polish proverb ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’ has finally started making sense to me. I’ve learnt freakishly lots about myself in a relatively short period of time. I recognised my strengths and excepted my vulnerable self more. I love being a human being , though this often requires that vulnerability, which I’m still working on. I enjoy being ‘a work in progress‘ kind of person as for me it’s more realistic, more true and authentic than pretending that I’m (almost) perfect. I know that there’s plenty I need to work on, but for now I’ll stick to being (just the right amount of) enough.
I think here’s only one more thing to say :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
On gratitude…again
I’m not new to expressing and writing about gratitude and I don’t think I’ve struggled too much to feel grateful for what I have and/or what I’ve experienced in my life. Even very painful and difficult events in my life have led me to something much better that I’d have expected and I’m grateful for them now, despite feeling horrible when they were happening. But I’m not a blind believer in Nietzsche’s ‘what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger’ as becoming stronger requires making that choice of wanting to grow, open-mindedness, vulnerability and effort. I haven’t always got it all right, but I’ve always chosen to learn a lesson or two and use it later in life for my benefit. And I’m grateful I’ve made that choice.
This period of lockdown seems to have forced a lot of people to reflect, notice those supposedly little and taken for granted things (and people!) in their lives , rethink their priorities and face the reality with humility and gratitude.
I’m grateful that I have a safe place to live in and that I have a garden, which makes life during lockdown a bit easier. And that I can plant flowers, veggies and herbs. And that I can compost vegetable scraps. I’m grateful there’s a huge park just across the street that I can go to (it’s big enough to follow social distancing rules). I’m grateful that I have water and other utilities. I’m grateful that I have shops in walking distance and that I can afford buying food, despite not earning any money at the moment. I’m grateful that I’ve been learning to be careful with what I buy, so perishables won’t go to waste. I’m grateful that I connect and reconnect with so many wonderful friends I have in different corners of the world. So I’m grateful for technology too! I’m grateful that I don’t live alone at the moment. I’m grateful that I can still study. That I can meditate. And that I’m healthy.
I feel like I’m the luckiest person in the world
‘
Unplugged
Let’s go back in time a little… At the beginning of 2019, on the 2nd January to be precise, I sat in meditation. There’s nothing too strange about it though as I do it daily. During my meditation that morning, however, I had this idea arising- what if I put a day a month aside for nothing but meditation? I did it before as a part of a mindfulness course I was doing when I unplugged everything and committed a full day for meditation. I did different kinds of meditation that day: guided, silent, sitting, lying, walking, body scan etc. and it felt great! So after meditation that morning, I decided to find a day in January and mark it straightaway as my Meditation Day. I felt I wanted to have something more tangible in my calendar, so I can organise my life around the meditation and not the other way round. As I was marking a day in January, there was this voice from deep within me saying ‘why not marking one day a month for the full year NOW?’. And I did just that! Now I had 12 days in 2019 marked as my Meditation Days ? There were 11 Sundays and …my birthday, which is actually a Saturday that year: why not spending my birthday meditating? I was feeling really pleased about listening to my heart and actually ACTING on what was arising in my meditation.
So, just like in life, lots of things are easier said than done..However, if you’re expecting that I’m gonna write that I missed my Meditation Days in 2019, you’d be wrong! I didn’t, however I moved things around as they needed to move around, so, for instance, a Sunday meditation became a Tuesday meditation and so on. But I’ve kept them all up!
So how does it work? Basically I start meditating straight after I wake up and then I do different kinds of meditation for 12 hours (once I did 10 though). I do eat in between, no worries I unplug everything- I don’t check my phone, I don’t go on the Internet. If I use my laptop, I only use it for recordings of guided meditations. Sometimes I go for a walk, but avoid contact with people. I especially enjoy mornings- I love sitting in the garden, if it doesn’t rain, and just observe nature.
I’ve really wanted to kept my unplugged days in 2020. But I have to admit- first couple of months of the year things didn’t go so smoothly for me…. I caught myself not wanting to meditate… I didn’t book an unplugged day in February . I found myself a bit overwhelmed with other things, like work, new university course, work that has been being done on the house , some emotional challenges etc. Ha, yeah, I know – when we’re stressed or feeling overwhelmed, meditation and taking step back and unplugging may be the best thing to do, but sometimes it isn’t such an easy thing to do. I still meditated or at least was listening to positive affirmations, but my mind was going wild. I felt really reluctant to meditate or even to do anything that could potentially benefit me.
Luckily, things seem to have changed for me lately. I let go a bit more, took a step back and decided to be less harsh towards myself. I had my unplugged day in March and it was good. I don’t always feel benefits straight away and after all those years of practising mindfulness and meditation I know that they will come sooner or later, so I’m not worried about it anymore. I’m happy to see that due to this lockdown there are more organisations that offer mindfulness and meditation meetings online for free. I’ve started following Heart Based Living Initiative guided meditations (although I’m not doing them every day) and Anukampa Bhikkhuni Project , with the best metta (loving kindness) meditation teacher ever ! I’m pleased to notice that I’ve started to meditate on my own too and enjoying my sittings again
It’s nice to see that during this lockdown people started connecting more and more by using technology. It’s encouraging that, perhaps, we’ve started noticing how important it is to have significant relationships in our lives. Building connections is a fundamental part of life. However, it’s also good to put devices away, switch off all notifications and just to have a nice, peaceful Unplugged Day
Shēngrì kuàilè
It began in 2017 when I was sitting in a cafe on my birthday and just summarised a year of my life. Then I repeated it again a year later. So I think there’s nothing to stop me to do it again in 2019, but this time from Shanghai and a day after the event
Since my last birthday:
- I graduated with Master of Arts in English Language Teaching with Merit. Hard work, but, despite some ups and downs , enjoyable and, of course, all paid off
- I’ve been to China twice. The second time, which is still in progress, has been quite an unexpected, but very welcome trip.
- I’ve discovered I enjoy pottering around the garden. I planted potatoes, pumpkins, sweet peas, herbs and array of flowers. There’s still more to be done…
- I’ve restarted climbing and become a social media officer for The West Midlands Paraclimbing Club and started writing a blog for the club . And we made the news when BBC Midlands Today came to interview and film our amazing climbers
- I’ve become an aunt for the second time.
- I experienced what ghosting feels like…
- I’ve noticed that there is still a lot of unexpressed anger in me. I’ve started learning to accept and embrace it, but I still have lots to learn!
- I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up…
- I’ve felt extreme amount of gratitude for amazing people in my life
- I attended a silent meditation retreat with Ajahn Brahm in the UK!
- I attended (probably) the best retreat (and teachings) on The Power of Loving Kindness ever.
- I’ve started doing affirmations and focused more on listening to people like Brene Brown (of course ), Wayne Dyer , Ven. Canda or Louise Hay.
- I decided to set aside one day a month for meditation ( I call them ‘unplugged’ days), however last couple of months things weren’t working out as planned (although I meditated)…
It’s been an intense year, mainly filled with studying and work. I’ve also learnt a lot about myself and faced few of my biggest Dragons. I don’t know whether it’s tiredness or maybe something completely different, but this time, as I’ve started a new year of my life, I’m not feeling the same amount of hope and started questioning the goodness in the world….Maybe it’s an indication I need to go travelling? I don’t know. Although I accept uncertainty and impermanence, recently those two seemed to have caused me extra stress and anxiety. But this too shall pass… My wishes for the next year of my life are to finally learn to surrender and let go. To meet my life partner. To fully become an Authentic Self. Not sure if there’s anything else to say now but:
Happy Birthday to me