” (…) when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough”…then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.” /Brene Brown/
In the last several months, I’ve been going through some kind of transformation. I don’t know exactly what it is and I don’t care really as the most important thing for me now is that I love it and I feel it’s been an extremely powerful and positive experience for me. Despite experiencing some pain and emotional discomfort. But I call it a ‘ growing pain’ and I accept it. I’ve written several pages of what’s been going on for me and wrote down what has been popping into my mind, or heart rather, during my meditations and morning pages . This is a compilation of a couple of powerful ‘revelations’ I’ve experienced in recent months.
It wasn’t an accident that I started this post with a quote from Brene Brown’s famous TED Talk ‘The power of vulnerability’. It’s one of these talks I come back to again and again and again…. And there’s always something new that I notice or something different that resonates with me at any given time. Brene Brown brought up the issue of being ‘enough’, something, that according to her decades of research, has been a problem for lots of people. Including me. ‘Being enough’ doesn’t always stare in our faces- on contrary- it creeps up unnoticed and settles in the deepest depths of our hearts and souls. No one can easily spot it. No one can easily remove it. It’s something that becomes a part of us. So little, yet powerful enough to often dictate how we feel, behave, speak, think, live…. For a very long time I believed that I’m not enough either. And when I made this discovery I was pleased as at least ‘I could do something about it’, right? So my logical mind decided to ‘sort everything out’, no problem. First step, I need to acknowledge that there’s no way I can attract ‘good things’ in my life or a life partner if I’m not enough. So no point to look for those, right? Acknowledgement wasn’t enough, now I need to take step two and focus on ‘making myself a better person’ first. And I’ve been doing just that- for years now: meditating, mindfulness, reading, listening to talks, talking to people, challenging myself, being happy at work, trying to be happy in life etc. All good, all coming truly from my heart. And….despite tonnes and tonnes of fantastic things that have happened to me over the recent years and groups of phenomenal people I’ve met, I still haven’t felt particularly ‘enough’. So I gave up, just dropped it… What’s the point in trying? And then as I was doing my morning pages few months ago this came up: ‘Maybe I’m already whole?Maybe I’m already enough ? Maybe I don’t need to imagine I need more to be able to couple, to attract a partner, to build a solid relationship? I may not be perfect, but I’m enough ! And a big smile appeared on my face 😀 ‘. I suddenly believed myself and in myself . Whatever was coming to life for me that morning was the truth I was looking for for years. I’ve finally accepted it. Brene Brown says that people who love us they don’t love us despite our imperfections, but because of them. And I believe her too.
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I’m feeling proud of myself. I am Love. I AM ENOUGH.